Chapter 2 CLOSED

Hindi ko alam kung pano sisimulan 'to. But I think I need to start this now and end this now too.. It's been so long but the thought of you still lingers in my mind. I've never been free from the trap though I've never admitted it. Though I keep on telling myself I've already moved on, I still can't help but be affected when the thought is about you. The truth is, and I should be once and for all honest with myself before I let it all out. There's never a day pass that you haven't crossed my mind yet. It's always been like this since then. And it hurts me to think, that I'm still stuck in this while you've clearly moved on.. Just can't get on the fact that I once believed everything you've told me.. that you'll never let go of me.. no matter what. But now you're with that woman who's the reason of it all. And I started to think that maybe, you haven't really loved me at all. That all you had for me was all lie. Because how can you hurt me that way? I can't believe I have believed you. I just can't release this anger that's eating me inside while I let it grow everyday. this hate that I should have long thrown away. I wanted to take revenge. hurt you the way you did to me. but reality check, it will never happen. beccause im out of your world, and you're out of mine. and the thing I should do, is just accept that life is like that.. people will hurt you. betray you. that's just the way it is. I have so much hate to give to you. but i know, wala na itong patutunguhan ang galit na ito. so the best way is to just accept it. that you dont own people and you cant control them to not hurt you. nor can you manipulate them. I've accepted the fact that things dont go my way. That i already need to stop hating you. and i know that's when I'll stop hoping too :') Pinakamalaking pagkakamali ko ng tinuring kitang pagmamay-ari ko, dahil never mo naman talagang mapag-aari ang isang tao at paikutin sila sa kamay mo. I guess that's why nahirapan akong tanggapin. I guess I have never learned, cause once again my heart is broken because of a boy. and i am again left hoping when there's no hope already. when what really awaits me is the ending of it.
Hello and goodbye love, today i'm deciding. I'll already let go of you. I want to see you happy and there's no reason for me to not be happy too. It hurts. but i have to do it now. or else i have to be forever stuck. I'm releasing all this anger through this. and i'll already cut the tie that's been connecting me to you. You know I have really loved you. sakit. but i have to accept that clearly, you are not for me. I have to let go of this love and hate for me to be able to love again. I want to be able to smile at you someday without hate and regret. I want to thank you someday for teaching me the greatest lessons I need to learn in love and in life too. I want to say sorry for hurting you too before. Andami kong narealize simula nung wala na tayo. and that made me so excited to love again. Andami kong pagkakamali sayo, but then again, i don't regret being that way, cause i would never learn these things. i hope lang someday, when i get to meet the one, I'd be able to apply these things on me already. I seriously dont think we could be friends someday.. but who knows right?pero ngayon, wala nakong makita kundi finish line. kasi alam ko nakamove on ka na at masaya ka na diyan. kaya there's no reason for me not to be too. right? Thank you for being a part of my life. many times i've resented the day that I met you, but as the saying goes you should never regret the things that once made you happy. and you are a part of it. thanks for the memories. i know the day will come na pag-inisip kita hindi na puro masasama ang maiisip ko but the good ones. that is the time na tatawanan ko nalang ang mga ito. and maybe that's the time I can smile at you again w/o hate and regrets whenever the day comes na mgcross path tayo. This would still take time to tame the hate but definitely this is my first step. I already need to close this chapter. which I thought would be the last, pero ganon siguro talaga, may mga taong panandalian lng sa buhay mo dadaan lang para ituro sayo yung mga importanteng lessons na dapat malaman mo. and that is their role leave a mark and then leave. until you meet the right one for you and it all answers why there are certain chapters in your life that needs to be closed. and i thinik this is one of those chapter in my life. So, that's it. at least kahit sa net nagig totoo naman ako sa srili ko, nailabas ko yung galit ko na di ko malabas-labas just because i dont want to appear weak to anybody. So where ever you are right now, I wish you happiness. Sana may natutunan ka rin sakin kahit papano. lol. kung pano maghandle ng worst gf in the world. Thank you for making me feel so lucky before for having a guy who completely accepts me with all of me. whether it's all an act or not. but still thank you. You will always have a spot in my heart. but I have to say goodbye for the very last time.  and probably the very last time that i'll write about your name. Jaa ne... Yerusama!
:)